Rejects
Tom's Description Tom & Dan knock off some knock-offs Featuring Dan 'danisnotonfire' Howell (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire) Written and Directed by Thomas 'TomSka' Ridgewell (http://youtube.com/tomska) Co-Written, Produced and Assistant Directed by Eddie Bowley (http://youtube.com/eddache) Cinematography & Colour Grading by Ciaran O'Brien (http://twitter.com/ciaranobrien) Editing & Camera Assistance by Elliot Gough (http://twitter.com/elliotexplicit) Costume & Makeup by Edie Flowers (http://twitter.com/eed_flowers) Visual Effects by David 'Hoolopee' Post (http://youtube.com/hoolopee) Music by Todd ‘LilDeuceDeuce’ Bryanton (http://youtube.com/lildeucedeuce) Sound Design by Dan Pugsley (http://danpugsley.co.uk) Sound Recording by Ollie Drummond (http://www.olliedrummond.com/) with Dan Howell as Span (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), Dan Howell as Doesn't Understand the Human Body Dan (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), Dan Howell as Really Bad Advice Dan (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), Dan Howell as Racist Dan (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), Dan Howell as Secretly Asian Dan (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), Dan Howell as Barbershop Quartet Dan (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), Dan Howell as Suicidal Dan (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), Dan Howell as Chan (http://youtube.com/danisnotonfire), and Phil Lester as Phan (http://youtube.com/amazingphil) TomSka Shirts (https://tomskashop.com/) Twitter (http://twitter.com/thetomska) Facebook (http://fb.com/thetomska) Tumblr (http://thetomska.tumblr.com) Secondary Channel (http://youtube.com/darksquidge) Script: (Turbo Punch Intro) (Tom is closing the door to the living room and turns around anxiously to see Dan enter) Dan: Hey Tom! (Tom gets scared by Dan and presses his back to the door) Tom: '''Ham! Dam! Dan! Hi Dan! Do you want ham? I don't have any ham... What are you doing here? '''Dan: I live here... Tom: Great! Did your hair lose weight? (Tom points to his hair) Dan: What's in the living room? Tom: What is a living room? Did you get new..arms? (Tom goes to reach for Dan's arm) Dan: '''Move out of the way (Dan pushes Tom out of the way and goes through the door) '''Tom: Nooo (Tom Follows Dan into the living room) (Dan sees a body on the floor and starts screaming) (Tom screams then points to a chair) Tom: '''That is a nice chair! (Camera shows a lounge chair) (Camera goes back to showing Dan and Tom) '''Tom: Let's just look at it... Dan: I've already seen the dead body, you cant distract me (Another dead body is revealed behind the chair as it slowly falls over) Tom: '''So nice... (He is referring to the chair) '''Dan: '''What are all the dead bodies doing here!? '''Tom: '''Honestly, not much '''Dan: '''I'm calling the police (Tom reaches for his pocket and pulls out ham) '''Tom: Errr...Ham! (Tom throws the ham at Dan's face) (Dan takes the ham off his face) Dan: I want answers Tom: Okay, I lied... I do have ham (Dan looks stressed) Dan: 'About the bodies! (The camera zooms up to Tom's face) '''Tom: '''Oh! Well, you know when you want to tell someone something but you don't want to hurt their feelings so you kind of bottle it all up inside till it develops into an overwhelming urge to kill them... '''Dan: '''Obviously '''Tom: '''I cloned you so I could kill you '''Narrator: ' Dan! (shows first cloned dan on floor) Dan! (shows the other dead dan behind the lounge chair) Ham! (Shows the ham in Tom's pocket) '''Dan: '''Oh my god. Wait! Why did you clone me twice!? (Tom hesitates) '''Tom: '''Yes...Twice... (Dan wearing a moustache comes through the door) '''Span: Hola! (Tom shoots the clone) Span: '''Adios '''Dan: '''Who was that? '''Tom: '''That was Spanish Dan, I called him Span '''Dan: '''Why? (Dan shakes his head, confused) '''Tom: '''It's a portmanteau of Spanish and Dan '''Dan: '''No, why was he Spanish? (Dan looks extremely confused) '''Tom: Oh! Yeah, the cloning process took a while to perfect... There were rejects... Dan: '''How many...rejects? (another dan clone walks through combing his hair with his fingers) '''Doesn't understand the human body Dan: '''Has anyone seen my penis?? '''Dan: '''Why would it be in your hair '''Tom: Oh, that's doesn't understand the human body, Dan Dan: Oh (He raises his elbow and points at it) Doesn't understand the human body Dan: '''Hey! Say that to my face! (Tom shoots the clone as Dan jumps slightly) '''Doesn't understand the human body Dan: '''OUCH! MY KNEES!! (another dan walks through the door) '''Really Bad advice Dan: '''Remember kids, if a strange man offers you sweets there is probably more in his car (Really Bad advice Dan winks) '''Tom: '''Really bad advice Dan '''Dan: '''Oh right (Tom shoots the clone) '''Really Bad advice Dan: '''OUCH!! DRINK BLEACH!! (yet another clone walk through the door and points behind him) '''Racist Dan: I really hate this next guy (Tom shoots yet another clone) (Another Dan clone walks through the door) Secretly Asian Dan: '''White people '''Tom: '''Secretly Asian Dan. (Tom shoots the clone) '''Dan: '''Really? They all look the same to me (Tom looks towards the camera) '''Tom: '''Woah (not a surprised woah but a 'Woah that was a racist comment, woah') '''Dan: '''The clones! The clones! Really? Really?? (Tom shoots 4 times) '''Barbershop quartet Dan: '''OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! '''Tom: '''Barber shop quartet Dan '''Dan: So is that all of them? Tom: '''Well, there is suicidal Dan, but er... (Distant gun shot) '''Tom: Yeah, that's all of them. (Dan looks slightly relieved) Dan: '''Thank god, ya know if you have something to say you can just say it to me. We've all bottled up our feelings to the point where we feel like our only option is to murder a bunch of clones, but you can just talk to me. Okay? '''Tom: Thanks, Dan (Dan looks a lot happier) Dan: '''So, what was it you wanted to say? '''Tom: '''You're a clone (Dan is confused) '''Dan: What? Tom: I turned the real Dan into a chair (Dan is shocked) Dan: '''WHAT? '''Tom: '''I call him Chan! (muffled screaming from chair) (Dan screams) '''Tom: Ham! (Dan gets ham on his face again) (Tomska Outro) (Credits) (Phan/Phil walks through the door and waves) Phan/ Phil: Hey guys! (gunshot) Phan/ Phil: Ah! Dan: '''Was that another clone? '''Tom: Yep (End Card) Category:Videos